Yuffie In Wonderland
by NightStalkerYuffie
Summary: My first fic.This is a parody of "Alice in Wonderland" made by me.Yuffie and the other FF7 cast perform the play on the Gold Saucer theater but they can't seem to remember their lines or they keep making up their own lines and they keep goofing up!Read an
1. Before the Show

Yuffie In Wonderland

Yuffie In Wonderland

Chapter 1(Director's Cut)

By-Night_Stalker_Yuffie

Julia- (To the Cast of Characters) Hello people this is Night_Stalker_Yuffie and I'll be the one cut directing and managing this play. Not to mention that I am the author and the playwright. Since I'm very strict and professional I expect no mistakes from any of you. I've worked long and hard to make your scripts so you better have not forgotten any of your parts got it?

Barret- (Whispers to Cid) Some pep talk she's giving eh?

Cid-I'll say, didn't she already tell us this crap when she first met us? (Takes out a cigar and smokes a blunt)

Julia-Hey I heard that and I don't want you to smoke before the play Cid. (Snatches his cigar and steps on it)

Cid-Hey I need that to live!!!

Julia- (Peeks out of the curtains) Look at how many people came to see you guys perform. Wow they're arriving by the second. Oh I'm so lucky to have the best people around as my cast of characters.

Final Fantasy Cast-Aw thanks Julia!

Julia- (Blushes) Shut up! I better change out of my Yuffie clothes and dress into something more decent to narrate the play. 

Yuffie- (Pouts and wails) What are you trying to say that my clothes aren't decent enough for you?

Julia- (Runs to Yuffie and places both her arms on her shoulder to show concern) No! Of course not Yuffie I love your clothes it's just that since I resemble you, a lot of people will confuse us.

Scarlet-Kyah Kyah Kyah this coming out from the same girl who made us Tweedledum and Tweedledee, eh Palmer?

Palmer-I know right? Just because we chill together doesn't mean we look alike.

Julia-Will you two shut up! (To Yuffie) So Yuffie do you know all of your lines?

Yuffie- Yeah.

Julia-Good luck out there ok, you're the main character and I wish you the best of luck.

Yuffie- [_I really don't want to do this_] Thanks Julia.

Tifa-Oh my God why is she always so nice to her and never to us! That's not fair.

Julia-That's the kind of bitchy attitude I want out there tonight from you Tiffany!

Tifa-For the last time my name is not short for Tiffany it's Tifa!

Julia-Ok queenie whatever you say. Speaking of short…Oh Clouuud!

Cloud-Just stay the hell away from me Julia!

Julia-Since you're the meek little king I need to…

Cloud-I don't know how I let you talk me into this.

Julia-Before I was so RUDELY interrupted! Cloud I need you to be shorter than Tifa for the play because the queen is ten times bigger than the king so I'm going to have to do my mini attack on you.

Cloud- (Backs away) You wouldn't dare.

Julia-Mini!

Cloud-Aah! (Runs around the backstage)

Julia-Damnit I missed, hey he's getting away guards restrain him! 

Tifa-Hey isn't that my line? (Checks her script)

Reno and Rude grab a hold of Cloud.

Cloud-Damn you Julia!

Julia-Relax Cloud you're only going to reach Tifa's knee.

Cloud- [_At least I'll get to see under her skirt this way._]

Cait Sith- You're wrong Cloud I'll be the one to see under her skirt, I'm the Cheshire Cat remember?

Cloud-What!? How did you know what I was thinking?

Tifa-What!? (Slaps Cloud and Cait Sith) Julia don't make him THAT short.

Julia-Sorry Tifa I promised Cloud this is how I talked him into being on the play in the first place.

Tifa-But at least make Cloud reach my boobies!

Julia-Sorry Tifa a promise is a promise; now hold still Cloud…Mini!

A fog swarms around Cloud making him shorter everyone takes one look at him and starts laughing. Reno and Rude laughed the loudest and teased him. Cloud looks up and glares at Julia.

Cloud- (In a chipmunk's voice) Julia you're going to pay for this!

Julia-Sure I am shorty.

Tifa-Damn it isn't the queen supposed to be wearing a gown? What am I doing wearing a mini-skirt?

Aeris-Thank goodness I wear long skirts, no offense to you Tifa.

Cloud-Stop laughing at me! (Stares up at Tifa) Wow you can see everything from down here if you know what I mean.

Tifa- (Stares down and kicks Cloud) PERVERT! I'LL HAVE YOU OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!!

Julia-It's good to know that you're studying your lines Tiffany. Oh yes and to answer your question this is my reason for making that your dress. You see I wanted them to sort of fit your personality in fact (takes out a chalkboard with lists of attire) this is the attire for everyone's dress. They are in your dressing rooms so I sort of got them at the last moment.

*List of Attire* 

_Yuffie wears a red and brown kimono with a long blonde hair wig._

_Aeris wears a blue and yellow kimono with her hair tied._

_Red XVIII wears white bunny ears, a waistcoat, a red jacket and spectacles._

_Bugenhagen's face is painted and is meant to look like a doorknob._

_Palmer and Scarlet wear some atrocious Steve Urkel overalls._

_Wedge wears a blue suit._

_Biggs wears carpenter clothing, with a blue shirt and a white apron and white pants._

_Hojo dresses in a sailor outfit with a captain's hat._

_Vincent wears a gargantous caterpillar suit._

_Elena dresses like a bird with a pink shower cap._

_Cait Sith dresses in a furry purple striped cat suit._

_Cid dresses in a blue waistcoat a yellow shirt, a top hat, and blue pants._

_Barret dresses the same as Cid only he has yellow bunny ears, the waistcoat is green, the shirt is red, he has no top hat, and his pants are black._

_Tifa wears a red hot tight and leather mini skirt and a black halter top with playing card designs._

_Cloud wears Vegeta's spandex and white boots and white gloves with a crown on his head._

_Reno and Rude are dressed like playing cards._

Cloud-Hey I don't like the idea of wearing spandex give these back to Goku.

Yuffie-They belong to Vegeta you doofus!

Julia-That's right Vegeta's short like you.

Cloud-Well whatever I don't want to wear them.

Julia-Sorry I got the costumes at the last moment so you're going to have to wear them. (To the reader) Also if you want to know here are the casts of characters!

*Cast of Characters*

Yuffie as Alice

Aeris as Alice's sister

Red XVIII as the White Rabbit

Bugenhagen as the Doorknob

Palmer as Tweedledum

Scarlet as Tweedledee

Wedge as The Walrus

Biggs as The Carpenter

Hojo as The Dodo

Vincent as The Caterpillar

Elena as The Bird

Cait Sith as the Cheshire Cat

Cid as the Mad Hatter

Barret as the March Hare

Tifa as the Queen 

Cloud as the meek little King

Reno as the red card guard

Rude as the black card guard

Julia- (To the FF7 characters) Now I'm going to change. Wow the chairs of the Gold Saucer theater are filling up quickly you guys have 15 minutes to rehearse so don't let me down and I wish you all the best of luck!

To be continued… 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note-So how do you like it so far? It's my first Final Fantasy 7 fic or any fic for that matter so give me a constructive and honest review. Certain flames will be deleted I mean everyone's entitled to their own opinion but when it gets out of hand I gotta delete them. So be gentle on me.

_ _


	2. The First F--k up!

Yuffie In Wonderland

Yuffie In Wonderland

Chapter 2-The First F—k Up!

By Night_Stalker_Yuffie

45 minutes later

Julia- (To the audience) Heh heh I'm sorry to keep you waiting ladies and gentlemen but apparently we had some uh…technical difficulties…yeah that's it we had technical difficulties with the backstage props so I'm sorry for the inconvenience.

*Audience stays silent*

Julia- (Stares sideways) Come on people make some noise!

*Audience boos and throws tomatoes at her.*

Julia-Aah not that kind of noise! I said I was sorry for the inconvenience ok now on with the show! Can you at least clap now?

*Audience stays silent and you can hear someone cough*

Julia-O…k now it's time for me to narrate.

It was a scorching hot summer day in Wutai. It was so hot that not even a gust of wind had blown around the leaves or grass surrounding Yuffie's hometown. Yuffie was perched uncomfortably on the big oak tree brushing off her long blonde hair.

Yuffie-I am so freaking hot, especially with this gay ass long blonde hair wig!

Aeris- (whispers) Psst Yuffie that wasn't in your script. AHEM Yuffie please settle down you must learn your daily lessons on the art of roping, now listen carefully.

Yuffie- (sighs and whispers to the kitten) If I had a world of my own, everything would be different and just like I would want it. More materia for me and not having to deal with a bimbo with big boobs, a dumb sister that doesn't look anything like me, and some spiky haired jerk who's a midget! And just great Julia has me talking to a cat!

Aeris- (Whispers) Yuffie that wasn't in your line either.

Julia- (from backstage) I'm gonna kill you Yuffie!

All of a sudden, a white rabbit…or should I say Red XVIII ran by close to Yuffie. Yuffie had never seen anything quite like it. It resembled that of a ferocious tiger-dog. This odd creature wore white bunny ears, a waistcoat, a red jacket, spectacles, and had a pink bow tied around his tail of fire.

Red XVIII-Hey, who are you calling an odd creature? I am a rare specimen thank you very much! I prefer that name better if you are going to classify me as anything!

*Audience stares in awe and surprised that he could talk so they start taking pictures*

Red XVIII-Aah stop it I'm sensitive to light. (stares at Julia who is threatening him with a knife) Oh yeah…Oh damn I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!

Yuffie-Hey wait for me! (She jumps from the branch and runs after him) Red XVIII your bows on fire let me fix it!

Red XVIII-Bloody hell are you serious!? (Checks his tail)

Julia- (from backstage) [_Damn it you two quit making up lines_] What in bloody hell did I do to deserve this?

Yuffie-Ha ha zike! You should know better than to trust a ninja thief now your materia is mine!!!

Red XVIII- (whispers) Stop clowning around we have an audience remember?

Yuffie- Oh yeah…who's line is it next?

Red XVIII-I think it's my turn I'm supposed to ignore you…I'm late for a very important date! (Tries to take out his pocket watch but his paws slip it aside) Hey Yuffie can you help me out with this?

Yuffie-Hey you're getting out of character you're supposed to ignore me remember, but very well. Let me get you a water hose from backstage because this time your bow is really on fire this time!

Red XVIII-Oh no aah!!!

Julia- [_Oh no this play is one huge fiasco_]

*Audience looks confused and checks their papers to see if any of this is in the script*

Yuffie- [_Oh shit I forgot my lines_] (stares at audience nervously)

Red XVIII- (whisper) Yuffie ask me where I'm going.

Yuffie-Oh yeah! Where are you going?

Red XVIII simply ignored her and ran off but Yuffie kept following him. Suddenly Red XVIII disappeared in a large hole under the hedge. She decided to jump down herself. Her kimono puffed up like a balloon as she fell down.

Yuffie-This is what I get for not listening to Aeris' lousy rope lessons! 

As Yuffie fell down she decided to stare at her odd surroundings. Finally she reached the bottom. She could see a long tunnel and in the clearance she saw Red XVIII running ahead of her.

Yuffie-Red XVIII slow your fiery hairy ass down will ya?

But Red XVIII wouldn't pay attention to her. When she turned around the corner, she found herself trapped in a big hall, lighted by lamps with no windows or any sign of Red XVIII. She studied the hall carefully and to her attention saw a low curtain. Behind it was a little door painted blue.

Yuffie-What the hell? It almost looks alive…oh well. (she knocks) Hey Red XVIII open the god damn door!

She tried looking through the lock…

*Audience laughs as they see Yuffie looking through Bugenhagen's mouth.*

She saw Red XVIII running through a garden. She desperately wanted to follow him so she twisted the door knob…or rather Bugenhagen's round nose.

Bugenhagen-Ho ho ho ouch that hurts! For goodness sakes dear you're much too big. Why don't you try that item on the table? Ho ho ho!

Yuffie-Dude you can talk! Oh well whatever man what have I got to loose. (reads item) _'Try Me'_ (Tries the item) What the hell just happened to me?

*Audience gets up and stares with their magnifying glass at Yuffie*

Yuffie- (chipmunk voice) Hey Julia I'm too short I'm even shorter than Cloud right now!

Julia- (smacks her head) Keep acting the show must go on!

Yuffie- (stares at Bugehagen) I guess I'm the right size to fit through.

Bugenhagen- Ho ho ho You screwed up again Yuffie Goofie, you should've stayed tall so that you would've gotten that key on the table ho ho ho.

Yuffie-What do you mean?

Bugenhagen-I'm locked sweetheart.

Yuffie-Damn it Bugen why didn't you tell me!

Bugenhagen-Ho ho ho must've slipped my mind.

Yuffie-I guess I'll give it a go. (climbs up the table but slips) Damn it I'm never gonna make it!

Bugenhagen-If at first you don't succeed try try again ho ho.

Yuffie-Shut up you!

On Yuffie's final attempt she slipped for the last time and gave up. She thought she would never reach the key until all of a sudden she noticed a box under the table. Inside the box was a cheesecake from Turtle's Paradise bearing the words _'Eat Me'_.

Yuffie-Ugh I can't stand cheesecake but I guess I have no other choice. (eats the cheesecake) Oh gawd that's the most dee-licious and bootylicious shit I've ever tasted! Oh my gawd what's happening to me?

*Audience stares in awe*

Bugenhagen-Yuffie you're a giant bitch. Guess it's true what they say _big things come in small packages_ and in this case you hit it off BIG time ho ho ho.

Yuffie-That's not funny you dickhead! I'm taller than I ever was in my short life. I always wanted to be tall…but not THIS tall! Now I'll never get home this way!

Yuffie starts to cry and because she was now a giant she was now crying giant tears.

*Audience takes out their umbrellas*

Bugenhagen-Hey bitch stop crying I'm allergic to salt water!

*The stage starts overflowing with Yuffie's tears and pretty soon it affects the people in the audience*

Yuffie listened to Bugenhaged and stops crying. She looked around and managed to find the bottle. There were a few drops left and she drank every last bit of it hoping to be small again. When she shrank she noticed that her tears were like a salt-water ocean.

Yuffie-Damn it why did I have to fucking cry so much.

Yuffie was about to swim inside the little door or Bugenhagen's mouth. Even if the waves tossed her about, she knew how to swim.

Yuffie-I'm gonna make it! Oh boy I'm gonna make it! (All of a sudden Yuffie chokes and gurgles in the salt water and after two seconds she drowns)

*Audience stares in surprise, this definitely wasn't in the play but they try to escape the salt water that already broke through the seats*

Julia-Oh my god Yuffie where are you!? Everyone get out to safety. FF7 cast come out and help me look for her!

*Scene fades out*

A/N-Sorry folks this is a good part for a little cliffhanger. We didn't expect Yuffie's tears to cause such an enormous flood. You see we're trying to clean up back here, Yuffie's still missing, and we're looking for her through this mess. I'm sorry that the actors didn't follow their script lines. Most of my audience fled to safety but they'll be back and so will you right? Right?? Right???? Well I guess you can help me out by telling me your opinion of the story thus far. Please leave a review for little ol' me won't you? More to come soon! The next chapter will be Yuffie meets Tweedledum and Tweedledee!


	3. Tweedledumbass and Tweedledimwit

Yuffie In Wonderland

Yuffie In Wonderland

Chapter 3-Tweedledumbass and Tweedledimwit

By-Night_Stalker_Yuffie

Backstage…

Stage manager-Julia here she is.

Julia-That's wonderful is she all right?

Stage manager- (checks Yuffie's pulse) She's unconscious we need a volunteer for CPR.

Julia-Oh Clouuud!

Cloud-NO!

Aeris-Come on Cloud you did it before and you can do it again!

Cloud-That's the thing I don't want to do it again if I have to do another CPR to an underage kid I'll…

Barret-Shuddup! C'mon git yer spiky ass up and help her out ya have ta!

Scarlet-Kya haa haa Cloud don't do it you know you don't want to.

Cloud- (glares) Maybe I should!

Julia- (nudges Scarlet) Good going Scarlet.

Scarlet-What are you talking about? I didn't use reverse psychology on him I really **don't **want him to save her for 2 reasons. **One**: The little bitch deserves to die and **Two**: I don't want to act in your stupid play!!!

Julia-Oh it's just a short itsy bitsy little scene.

Cloud-Too bad Scarlet cause everyone's going to participate like Julia said the show must go on!

Julia-Thanks Cloud.

Palmer-But you don't have to Cloud!

Scarlet-Like you said aren't you sick and tired of kissing little girls!?

Tifa-Stop disencouraging him!

Cloud-I need you to turn me big again because if I give her CPR like I am now then she'll eat me alive!

Julia-All right (searches her pockets) Hey where are my cornucopias?

Palmer-Muahahahaha.

Tifa- (glares at Palmer) Don't worry I always carry a spare. (hands it to Julia)

Julia-Thanks Tiffany! Cloud do your thing!

Cloud- (turns big and gives CPR) This'll only take a few minutes please escort the readers out of here they really don't want to imagine that I am actually doing this.

Julia- (to readers) All right people git out! You'll come back in…

Stage manager-Julia we have a problem one of your actors has disappeared.

Julia-What? Who dares?

Everyone looks around at each other.

Stage manager-Scarlet is missing and she left a note.

Julia-Give me that! (Reads the note) '_Dear Loser aka Night_Stalker_Yuffie, I am not going to act in your stupid play so this is the reason why I have run away. Don't lose despair! I know you've worked hard for this crap so I gave you an understudy to take my place for Tweeedledee he resembles Palmer more than I do. If you want to look for him I've locked him inside the trunk to your left ta ta loser I hope the play goes well when I read about it in the Shinra Enquirer. Sincerely yours, Scarlet P.S. I left all my attire in the trunk as well kya haa haa'_ Oh that little bitch I can't believe her. All right Aeris you have a key to everything so open the trunk.

Stage manager-Uh oh another one of your actors has also mysteriously disappeared and also left a note. (hands over the note)

Julia-Damn it I can't keep losing characters like this! All right who is it now? (reads note) _'Dear Dumb female aka Night_Stalker_Yuffie, I can't stand the pressures or as you call it the pleasures of acting which is why I am dashing off to a better place. I know you worked extra hard for this so I'm giving you an understudy to take my place as Tweedledum . She looks so much like Scarlet if you want to look for her she's unconscious yet still living inside the closet of my dressing room. I knew you would understand you're the best I hope to read about it with Scarlet in the Shinra Enquirer muahahahaha. Have a nice day or should I say have a nice play. Sincerely yours, Palmer P.S. the clothes are in the closet' _Damn it! Ok you know what to do Tiffany go to the closet and get Palmer's understudy.

Tifa-Got it! And stop calling me Tiffany!!!

Aeris returns with Scarlet's understudy and everyone gasps.

Barret-Grr it's Heidegger!

Heidegger-That's me all right!

Tifa comes back with Palmer's understudy and everyone except the Turks seem surprised.

Rude-Hmph Elena!

Reno-Appropriate that you should play Tweedledum.(stares at her up and down and snickers) 

Elena-This is so NOT fair!

Cloud-All right Yuffie's back!

Julia-Great!

Stage manager-And so is the audience!

Julia-Even more wonderful! Places everyone get ready Elena and Heidegger. (to the reader) Oh by the way since my two chicken shit sad excuse for actors ran away, Elena will take place of Palmer for Tweedledum and Heidegger shall play Tweedledee…I hope this isn't any bother. (To Cloud) I gotta turn you short again Cloudy boy if you want I'll make you reach Tifa's boobies.

Tifa- (jumps high) ALL RIGHT!!!

Cloud-Sure why not if Tifa's happy with it then so am I.

Julia turns Cloud short again but this time he reaches her boobs.

*Audience gathers and takes their seating areas.*

Julia-Ladies and gentleman we're back!

*Audience stays silent*

Julia-Come on people make some noise!

*Audience takes out their super soakers and soaks Julia.

Julia- (takes a handkerchief and wipes her soak-filled face) And now on with the show!

*One of the audience asks a question*

Julia-Huh? Ha ha Oh no I assure you Yuffie won't cry again for the rest of the play I promise…and now ON WITH THE SHOW!!!

As Yuffie got to the other side of the door she now landed on DRY land. She looked around for Red XVIII.

Yuffie-Where the fuck is Red XVIII he's put me through so much shit right now!

*Audience stares at her strangely.

Julia-Yuffie's just kidding folks. (whispers) cut the crap and say your true lines Yuffie.

All of a sudden tow fat little men bounced toward her.

*Audience glares and laughs as they see Elena with a pillow under her shirt. They start booing them since they recognize the two of them and throw tomatoes at them*

Elena-Hey who you calling fat mother fuckah! Yeah that's right I'll kill your sister too just like I did your momma! (throws tomatoes at an audience member)

Heidegger- (spanks his own ass to imitate Palmer) You don't like me but maybe you like this yeah ha give it to me baby muahahaha!!!

Yuffie stays there cockeyed staring at them.

Yuffie-Hey jerks that wasn't in the script!

Elena and Heidegger stare at Yuffie.

Elena and Heidegger- (getting back to the play) Ok dumbass let's get one thing straight there's no freaking Red XVIII here but it's us Tweedledum and Tweedledee at your service.

Elena- (glares at Heidegger) Quit making fun of my name Tweedledimwit!

Heidegger-I can't help it Ms. Tweedledumbass!

Reno and Rude burst into laughter at Elena.

Yuffie-Anyways I want to know where Red XVIII is at? 

Elena and Heidegger…or better known as Tweedledumbass and Tweedledimwit danced all around Yuffie completely ignoring her wishes. All they seemed to care about was talking nonsense and bragging.

Elena- (stares at Julia) Oh so we talk nonsense and brag a lot eh? That means that I can make up my own lines doesn't it?

Julia-No you dumbass you're just supposed to…ah do whatever the hell you want I give up!!!

*Some of the audience members leave the theater*

Heidegger-Hey 'Lena did you know that President Shinra loves me better than he does you!

Elena-He does not!

Heidegger-Does too I get paid a lot!

Elena-So do I but I get paid a lot more than you cause I'm one of his body guards so I get paid ten times more than you, you useless piece of crap!

Heidegger-You do NOT!

Elena-Do too!

Heidegger-Do NOT!

Elena-Do too!

Heidegger-Do NOT!

Elena-Do too!

Heidegger-Do NOT!  
Elena-Uh…Do NOT!

Heidegger-Ha see you even proved it yourself you dumb blonde! You thought I would fall for that one Ms. Tweedledumbass?

Elena-Damn it but you know I get paid more than you either ways and Shinra loves me more!

Heidegger-Does Not!

Elena-Does too!

Heidegger-Does Not!

Elena-Does too!

Heidegger-Does Not!

Elena-Does too!

*More of the audience leaves*

Yuffie-Now's my chance to steal all their materia here goes. (stalks behind them)

Heidegger-Does too!

Elena-Ha I've caught you this time you jerk!

Heidegger-Did not!

Elena-Did too!

Heidegger-Did not!

Elena-Did too!

Heidegger-Did not! (notices Yuffie stealing materia and grabs her by her hair) Hey ya little runt what do you think you're doing?

Yuffie-Hey let me go you son of a bitch!

Heidegger-Will not!

Yuffie-Will too!

Heidegger-Will not!

Yuffie-Will too (shakes her head and punches Heidegger) All right that's enough I want this scence to end already you people obviously can't act!!!

Elena-Ok so who's turn is it?

Yuffie- (goes backstage and checks the script) It's Tweedledimwit's turn that means you Heidegger you're supposed to tell me a story.

Heidegger-Elena should we tell her a story?

Yuffie-Not yet jackass! I'm supposed to run away and you guys are supposed to stop me then you ask Tweedledumbass here to tell me a story.

Heidegger-Oh ok…so then it's your turn then you idiot!

Yuffie- (rubs her head in embarrassment) Heh heh guess it is. YOU GUYS ARE IDIOTS I'M OUTTA HERE!

Elena-You can't go you have to finish this scene.

Yuffie- (slaps her forehead) No you stupid bitch it's your turn to stop me remember I'm acting here!

Elena-Oh yeah!

Heidegger- (grabs Yuffie's arm) Wait a minute you! Elena she's tired of our mindless jabber, shall we tell her a story?

Elena-Yeah even better let's tell her a poem, she'll love to hear our poem! (claps her hands like an airhead)

Yuffie sighed and still wondered where Red XVIII was but decided to give in and listen to Tweedledumbass' and Tweedledimwit's poem. Yuffie wished that she would find a way to get away from these odd twins.

Elena and Heidegger-'The Walrus and the Carpenter' a poem written by Elena aka Tweedledumbass and Heidegger aka Tweedledimwit. 

The curtain lowers and Yuffie, Elena, and Heidegger appear out of the scene. The curtain rises again and we see Wedge dresses up as the Walrus and Biggs dressed up as the carpenter.

Wedge- (stares nervously at the audience) Uh hello I am a greedy walrus!

Biggs- (stares nervously at the audience) Uh hello I am a carpenter.

*Audience stays quiet and you can hear someone cough*

Elena's voice-This is a tale about a greedy Walrus and a Carpenter who lured a family of unsuspecting oysters to their table. Biggs- (whispers to Wedge) Dude I really don't want to do this. Wedge-Me neither what are we gonna do they're staring at us. Biggs- Let me handle this. (walks up to the front of the stage) People guess what not only did we forget our lines but we don't want to do this. I really don't give 3 rat's ass whether you're staring at us like that for all I care you can kiss our asses! Wedge-That's right! (does an imitation of Palmer and spanks his ass)  *Audience stares coldly and then boos them and throws potatoes at them* Biggs and Wedge run out of the Gold Saucer theater. The curtain rose back and now we see Yuffie, Elena, and Heidegger again. Yuffie-Uh that was a stupid…uh I mean sad story. Elena-It was a poem you clod! Yuffie-Shut up ok the script says story not poem! It didn't even sound like a poem hell it wasn't even a story to begin with. Biggs and Wedge can't act just like you 2 jerks! Tweedledumbass and Tweedledimwit stared at each other and argued about what poem to recite next and whose fault was it that the poem was ruined. This gave Yuffie the opportunity to run away. *********************************************************************************************** A/N- This was the stupidest part of the play acted by the most stupidest people who didn't' abide with anything written in the script. At least Yuffie was being more or less cooperative. What did you think of this part of the play? Give me a review don't be unfaithful like the audience. Next chapter Yuffie finds Red XVIII but also encounters another dimwit or dumbass whichever you prefer to call it and that person is…Hojo the Dodo. Let's gather around in a circle and hold each other's hands for a moment of silent prayer. 'Thank you God for this part of the play to finally END!


	4. Hojo the Dodo

Yuffie In Wonderland

Yuffie In Wonderland

Chapter 4-Hojo the Dodo

By-[Night_Stalker_Yuffie][1]

Backstage…

Julia- (throws chair against props) I am so fucking pissed at you Yuffie, Red XVIII, Heidegger, and Elena!!! In fact you two get the fuck out of here now!

Elena-All right my God!

Heidegger-Sorry Julia we just tried to be funny.

Julia- (points at the door) Get out!!!

Elena-Come on Heidegger.

Julia- (glares at Yuffie and Red XVIII) Hmph…Bugenhagen you may leave if you please you have no more acting scenes thank you for acting like a MATURE INDIVIDUAL!!!

Bugenhagen- (nervously) Ho ho ho it was no problem…good luck with the rest of the play and see you next time. Take care of yourself Nanaki. (leaves)

Julia-Hojo!

Hojo- (wakes up) Huh? Wha-what?

Julia-Do you know how to act?

Hojo-Well Miss Julia this is my first time and I'm very nervous about it.

Vincent- (glares at Hojo) Yes a professional scientist that makes a living killing of living creatures is nervous! 

Hojo-I just hope it comes out good.

Julia-It better come out good cause the whole time you were sleeping the play was a disaster!

Hojo-Really how so?

Julia-Certain characters didn't know their lines so they thought it was funny if they made up their own also they made up their own acts and disrespected our audience.

Hojo-My God that's horrible.

Vincent-Horrible are the actions you take upon.

Hojo-What do you have against me anyways?

Vincent-Hmph.

Julia-So Hojo are you ready for the challenge?

Hojo-I am willing to do what's best so I suppose so.

Julia-Vincent you're after Hojo so you should practice your lines.

Vincent-Be patient I have it all in here (points at his head) and if I do forget my lines-which I doubt-I'll improvise.

Julia-That's what I'm afraid of.

Vincent-You should know improvising is one of my strong points although there is something I disagree upon.

Julia-What is that?

Vincent-Why must I wear this atrocious caterpillar suit?

Julia-Because you're the caterpillar and I can't change your costume cause it's too late. Anyways Hojo what are you going to do if you forget your lines?

Hojo-Why improvise of course!

Julia-Well when you improvise please say something that has to do with the plot of the story and not about your personal life (glares at Yuffie) I'm sure you're familiar with the Disneyfied story of 'Alice in Wonderland' by now. the same thing goes for the rest of you. (stares at Yuffie and Red XVIII) you clowns are up next so don't spoil it I'm not up for that shit got it?

Yuffie and Red XVIII-Got it!

Julia- (peeks out of the curtains) Alright people take your places everyone the full audience is back I gotta narrate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Julia-Welcome back ladies and gentlemen you don't have to make any noise just enjoy the show.

*Audience wonders why she sounds so serious all of a sudden everyone does a standing ovation and claps, cheers, and whistles*

Julia- (pessimistic tone) Uh gee thanks folks on with the show.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yuffie was happy that she got away from those crazy weirdos. While on her way across the path she saw an amazing garden with beautiful flowers and fountains. Yuffie was glad that she saw the house it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

Yuffie-Wow it's as beautiful as Aeris' house!

*Audience stares in confusion*

Yuffie-Woops that wasn't in the script.

Julia- (threatens her with shurikens) Mess up again Yuffie and meet your doom!

Yuffie- (sweatdrops) I wonder who lives in such a wonderful place!

Suddenly Red XVIII opened the shutters.

Yuffie-Hey Red XVIII it's you at last whazaaaaa!!!

*Audience laughs as they see the way Yuffie's tongue hangs out as she says that*

Julia-Yuffie! (throws shurikens)

Yuffie-Ah whoah! (dodges them)

Julia-That wasn't in the line either!

Yuffie-Well what do you expect when you're hitting me with those sharp things?

Julia- (scratches her head) Huh? Just shut up will ya?

Red XVIII came down and went outside but he didn't greet her. Instead he began to scold her.

Red XVIII-Mary Ann! What the heck are you doing out here? Fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan this instant!

Yuffie- (confused) Julia Red XVIII forgot that my name is Yuffie not Mary Ann!

Julia-And you obviously didn't rehearse your lines! He's supposed to confuse you with his housemaid not you stupid!

Yuffie-Well I don't care! (To Red XVIII) Who do you think you are giving me orders? My name is Yuffie not Mary Ann who is she anyways your uh housemaid?

Julia- (throws shurikens) Yuffie stop it!

Yuffie- (dodges shurikens) Hey Julia did you know that you'll hurt the main character this way? The play is already messed up as it is with you participating in it as well so just give it a rest. The audience is starting to wonder who's throwing those things and since you're also participating in the play one way or another (stares at audience) ladies and gentlemen Julia is the one trying to kill me!

*Audience gasps*

Yuffie- (goes backstage) Come on out Julia it's your time to shine! (drags Julia to the main stage)

Julia-Yuffie what the fuck are you doing?

*Audience stares at Julia, Julia smiles and waves nervously at the audience and the audience cheers loudly*

Julia-People I gotta narrate the story through the mic speaker now. (whispers) Yuffie I'm gonna kill you after the play ends.

*Audience cheers as they see Julia leave backstage*

Yuffie-That's Julia ladies and gentlemen!

*Audience cheers*

Red XVIII-Hey can we get back to the play now?

Julia-Precisely what I was thinking.

The inside of Red XVIII's house was just as luxurious as the outside. Yuffie looked around the place the pictures are quaint and the furniture was old fashioned but nonetheless very pretty. All of a sudden she heard Red XVIII calling her.

Red XVIII-Mary Ann where the hell are my gloves? I'll be late for my appointment!

Yuffie- (mocks him) _'_I'll be late for my appointment' Geesh where does a mother fucker like him need to be going? Very well! Where did he put those stinking gloves anyways? He wanted a pair of gloves??? Why would a 4 legged thing like him need gloves for? I tell ya it just don't make sense! He'll get the gloves dirty and look nasty anyways!

Julia-Yuffie stop babbling!!!

Yuffie didn't find his gloves but she did find some a box with fortune cookies inside. As she took them out she read her fortune and it read: '_You have to think BIG.' _They looked very delectable and she didn't hesitate to taste it.

Yuffie- (to Julia) I didn't hesitate to taste it? You have no idea how wrong that souuuunds!!!!!

*Audience gets scared and opens their umbrellas*

Julia-Hey people put those umbrellas down she's not gonna cry!

*Audience reluctantly closes their umbrellas*

She didn't finish eating the fortune cookies because as you can obviously tell she turned into a giant again inside of the house. Her head was already touching the ceiling of the house. Her arm stuck out of the windows and her feet stuck out of the doors.

Red XVIII-AAAAh it's the Hell House from sector 5!!!!

Julia-Red XVIII first of all you know that's not true second of all stay with your freaking lines!!!!

Red XVIII-And I thought I was monstrous looking…uh I mean aaaaah a monster! Somebody help! There's a monster in my house!

Yuffie-What's going on? Oh damn I'm a giant again!

*Audience opens their umbrellas again*

Yuffie-Chill people my young ass ain't gonna cry ok! Damn this is serious I can't move at all help me Julia! (struggles)

Julia-Relax it's just part of the act.

Yuffie-Fuck! Yo no one can eat shit in here without turning to a giant!

She peered through the window and saw a strange Dodo bird…or should I say Hojo dressed like a Sailor who was outside of the house with Red XVIII. They began to discuss what just happened.

Red XVIII- (off topic) Ha ha ha feeling a little stage fright eh Hojo?

Hojo-Ahem what is your problem?

Red XVIII-My problem is you Hojo!

Hojo-No you nerd I meant how did that giant get int your house? (whispers) get with the program or else.

Red XVIII- (whispers) or else what?…I don't know and I don't care the only thing I care about is getting it the fuck out! You gotta help me out.

Hojo- (stares at Yuffie) Indeed it is a rare yet precious specimen I'll have to take it with me to the lab for some tests and experiments.

Yuffie-Hey quit flirting with me you yellow-bellied sucker!

Red XVIII-Aah it talks too!

Hojo- (stares strangely at Red XVIII) You can speak as well you rare thing you!

Julia- (gets up) Hojo did you forget your lines? You're getting completely out of character.

Hojo-Oh but you're wrong Miss Julia I'm getting into my real life character so the audience will know how I really am.

Red XVIII-You're really a scum now shut up and keep acting!

Julia-Hojo I told you to improvise with something that has to do with the plot of the story. Now did you or did you not forget your lines?

Hojo-No I haven't forgotten.

Julia-Then stop eating shit and act!

Hojo- (to Red XVIII) Where was I?

Red XVIII-I'll give you a hint…I'm not helping you out ha ha ha!

Julia- (smacks her forehead)Red XVIII asked for your help on getting Yuffie…uh I mean the giant out.

Hojo-Oh ok you really need to narrate our every move Miss Julia. As for you Red XVIII I have a simple solution to your problem we'll smoke him out! Grab a blunt Reddy ol' pal and spark it up with me!

Cid comes out from the stage unexpectedly.

Julia-What the fuck?

*Audience cringes at Cid's grotesque appearance*

Cid-All right sorry you had to see my ugly face folks you can stop making gagging noises now! but I gotta deal with this first. (punches Hojo) Gimme back my fucking lighter what's your problem stealing my shit?

Hojo-Ow Miss Julia help please I promise that I won't get out of character just get him the hell out.

Julia-You promise but will the rest of the cast do the same? Very well I have to anyways. Cid get the fuck out of the stage you have a bunch of lighters in your dressing room!

Cid-But Julia that one's my fucking favorite and cherished lighter!

Julia-It's not even yours it's mine!!!

Cid- (stares at the lighter) Oh uh sorry about that. (walks out of the stage)

*Audience boos and throws tomatoes at him*

Julia-That made him leave…on with the show!

Hojo the Dodo prepared to set the house on fire right away and Yuffie was very frightened. As the smoke began to rush toward her, she noticed the garden outside the window and reached out to pull a tiny carrot in her hand. Red XVIII saw what she was doing and tried to stop her, but she managed to eat the carrot since she was used to growing and shrinking/ Just as she ate the carrot she began to shrink small once again. She was her regular height and was able to get out through the door and out the house. 

Hojo-Damn it you stupid little girl you ruined my plan! (to Red XVIII) No cooperation. No cooperation at all! Now let's burn this baby!

Red XVIII-Thank you for getting rid of the monster I Uh….WHAT ARE YOU DOING DON'T BURN MY HOUSE YOU FOOL!!!!

Hojo-Aw come on it'll be fun let's burn everything!!!

Red XVIII-You crazy Dodo! Oh my goodness my appointment I forgot all about it I have to go!!!!! (leaves)

All of a sudden Hojo gets a little crazy and gets gasoline and puts flames on the stage. The flames spread across the theater. 

*Audience gets scared and runs for their lives*

Julia-Hojo what the hell are you doing? this is the end of the scene stop it you're burning the Gold Saucer theater!!!

Hojo-Muahahahahahaha now no one can stop me!!!!

Julia-Uh oh not another crisis! Hey get the fire department!!! (to reader) You better get out too if you don't want to get burned!

***********************************************************************************************

A/N-This is the end of chapter 4. We have yet another crisis and the fire fighters will get here in just a few minutes. Don't worry I'll make the next chapter less dangerous. Vincent premieres in the next chapter so there's nothing to worry about…or is there? Please leave a review.

   [1]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=Directory-AuthorProfile&UserID=93018



	5. The Perfect Part of the Play...or is it?

Yuffie In Wonderland

Yuffie In Wonderland

Chapter 5-The Perfect Part of the Play…or is it?

By- [Night_Stalker_Yuffie][1]

Julia-That's it we can't waste anymore time talking. Vincent do you remember your lines?

Vincent-Yes

Julia-And you Yuffie?

Yuffie-Yes

Julia- (to the reader) This will probably be the most serious part of the play because of good ol' Vincent.

Yuffie-He's so boring that I don't even bother pulling one liners on him.

Julia-Everything has to work like clockwork now. (to the reader) Oh and if you're wondering about the fire incident no one got hurt but the Gold Saucer theater burnt down and is under heavy construction hence we are forced to do the play in the main entrance of the battle arena we spoke to Dio and he agreed to let us do the show there. (to the cast) Now move your asses our audience awaits.

*Audience cheers loudly as Julia enters*

Julia- (indicates the audience to stop applauding with a show of her hand) Thank you folks and sorry for the rearrangement and now on with the show.

*Audience claps their hands*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yuffie ran away from Red XVIII's house and got lost in the grass. She was so small that the grass seemed like a gigantic forest to her. She was happy to have escaped yet another close call but what was bothering her was that she was lost and had no idea how to get home.

Yuffie-Looks like I'll have to find Red XVIII…but when he notices he forgot his gloves, he'll be mad at Mary Ann and guess who he thinks Mary Ann is?

Yuffie kept walking ahead and as she did she also noticed that her surroundings were not only gigantic but they were very strange as well. There were butterflies with bread and butter replaced as their wings, delicate horseflies galloped through the air. There were even talking flowers. Everything was so strange and unusual. Yuffie gave up thinking about it, she knew she was truly in a wonderland in which everything was different from the world in which she lived in. She continued to the grass wondering if she'd ever get home. Pretty soon Yuffie saw smoke rising out of the grass. It was coming out from a small clearing. She stood on her tippy toes and peeked over the top of a large caterpillar…or should I say Vincent, who was sitting on top of the mushroom with its arms folded quietly smoking a long water pipe.

*Audience boos and throws tomatoes as they see Cid coming out again*

Cid-Vincent what is your problem smoking from my cherished long water pipe?

Vincent-First of all what is your problem ruining this play? Second of all this is my water pipe from the Shinra Mansion I claim it and have every right to utilize it.

Cid-No you're wrong this time! It even bears my initials see! (points at the inscription C.H.)

Vincent-C.H. stands for Crowned Heights the company these pipes now would you please leave the stage. Julia and the audience already feel hostile with your rude, childish, and grotesque presence.

Cid-Fick no! I'm not leaving without my fucking pipe!

Vincent-I told you it's not yours it's mine I would gladly give it to you after the show.

Cid-Give it to me? After the show? You gay bastard!

Vincent- (rolls eyes) You know that's not what I meant. Cid please leave.

Cid-Not until I get my fucking pipe!

Vincent-I'll give you the pipe after my scene ends can't you wait?

Cid-Nooo!

Vincent-Listen Cid it's hot enough as it is me wearing this silly outfit with the bright lights shinning on my face and it's also hot with the pipe lit on. The pipe is part of my scene and you're wasting my time. If I have to stand here being hot as balls…**excuse my French **in this caterpillar suit then I'll throw a huge fit. I'm asking you nicely please get out!

Cid-I don't give a fuck if you're burning in that rubber suit and I also don't give a damn if you ask me cruelly either I want my pipe now!

Yuffie-Hey can someone get this ugly old dirty bastard out of the stage?

Julia-Turks you know what to do get him with the pepper spay and cover his dirty mouth with duct tape. 

*Turks seize Cid and spray his eyes then kick him to the ground and put duct tape in his mouth audience cheers and laugh at the Turks dressed as playing cards.*

Julia-Ok let me continue.

The caterpillar looked at Yuffie then took the pipe out of his mouth and said…

Vincent-Who are you? (Blows smoke rings into the air)

Yuffie-Hey Vincent…I think it's really sexy the way you blow smoke rings into the air like that. You gotta teach me that backstage hee hee.

Vincent- (grins) Thanks I guess now do you mind telling me who you are?

Yuffie- (dazed) The girl of your dreams.

Vincent- (whispers) Yuffie I'm hot please hurry and keep with your lines (shouts) for the third and last time WHO ARE YOU?

Yuffie- (shakes her head) I hardly know myself sir you see I've change so many times since this morning.

Vincent- (impatiently) I do NOT see exactly what is your problem? (whispers) Come on Yuffie I'm dying of heat here hurry up.

Yuffie-Maybe I should blow on you to give you air.

Vincent-Yuffie no! You're breath emits your body heat!

Yuffie- (passionately blows air on him) Better?

Vincent-No Yuffie…please get to your lines!

Yuffie-Now where was I? (asks audience) Hey people what was the last thing Vincent said?

*Audience shrugs*

Vincent-I want to know what exactly is the problem you're stating.

Yuffie-Oh why didn't you say so? I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'd like to be a little larger.

Vincent-Hmm I see. I have something to tell you.

Yuffie-You love me? Could it be true? Is my psychic correct on this one?

Vincent-No Yuffie the thing I have to tell you is…one side will make you grow taller and the other side will make you shrink smaller. Phew about damn time! (POOF!)

And with that said Vincent the caterpillar turned into a butterfly and flew away. Yuffie stared at the two mushrooms Vincent had left her.

Yuffie-Hmm I wonder which is which?

It was a very difficult question indeed she decided to take a chance.

Yuffie-I'm tired of being three inches short. (bites a bit of the mushroom) 

As soon as she did, she grew so quickly that her head pushed through the tops of the trees. Yuffie found herself looking out over the top of the forest, frightening the birds. Yuffie became a giant again.

*Audience takes out their umbrellas*

Julia-People put it down I told ya she's not going to cry.

*Audience reluctantly closes their umbrellas*

Anyways…she could hardly see her feet. While she was still rising through the trees, a bird's nest with eggs in it had ended up on top of her head.

*There's a sudden silence the audience is confused*

Yuffie-Am I supposed to say something yet? It's not my turn yet what's going on? 

Julia-I know it's not your turn yet Yuffie. Ahem I said: _A bird's nest with eggs in it had ended up on the top of her head!_

Yuffie-Uh oh someone forgot their lines!

*Audience waits patiently*

Julia-Someone get me a ladder. (goes to the main stage where the ladder is at) Thanks (climbs up and searches) 

Yuffie-Hi Julia! Your presence is ruining the play.

Julia-Not now Yuffie!

Yuffie-What are you looking for? What's taking so long? The audience is waiting. Isn't this the part where the bird premiers?

Julia-(checks the script) The bird!!! How could I forget?

Yuffie-Looks like you screwed up the play at this point Julia!

Julia-Don't rub it in!

Yuffie-What are you gonna do? You can't kiss ass to Elena for her to come back she's probably pissed at you and Elena's understudy is long gone and so are some of your audience members.

Julia- (sees audience leave) WAIT!!! Don't go just yet the show must go on…but you see we're kind of taking a short break here. If you're going to leave please get yourselves some refreshments and come back! Here it's on me! (throws gil to the audience)

*Audience rushes to pick up the gil and leave.

Julia- (to the reader) I'll be back folks I gotta get Elena first! (to Turks) Follow me you guys.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile…Elena and Heidegger are about to leave the Gold Saucer.

Heidegger- (reading the script) Hey 'Lena did you know that you were playing the wrong role. You weren't supposed to be Tweedledumbass you were supposed to play an even shorter role and that was the role of the bird.

Elena-Oh that's just great! Look at what Scarlet put me through! Oh well what does it matter now when Julia kicked me out? For all I care her play can end up a disaster I mean it already was since the beginning I can't wait to see the stupid look on her face on the Shinra Enquirer when I read that she's missing an insignificant character.

Heidegger-That's right but if the play was a disaster than she'll probably skip your part. What's the point? She might as well.

Elena- (heads back) She wouldn't dare!

Heidegger- (grabs her by the arm) Forget about it Elena you don't wanna act some more do ya?

Elena-It's the principal of it all! First I play the wrong character, then I was rudely kicked out of the theater, then I find out that I'm supposed to be another character and she's gonna skip it cause the play was a mess??? I don't think so not while Elena's around. I'm gonna act and I'm gonna act good damn it!

Heidegger-Good choice you better tell her that now cause here she comes! (points at Julia)

Elena- (yelps and hides behind Heidegger) Look at her pathetic face! Now she wants me back in the play? I don't think so!

Heidegger-But I thought you wanted to be in the play.

Elena-She'll have to beg and give me something in return if she wants me to act!

Julia-Oh Elena thank goodness there you are!

Elena-Hmph

Julia-Ok I'm sorry I kicked ya out but right now I'm kind of in a bind that involves…

Elena-Yes I know about your incident with the missing character.

Julia-Well yes and I'm really sorry and I was kind of wondering if…

Elena-What's in it for me?

Julia-What's in it for you? What the hell do you mean what's in it for you? I don't have to give you anything!

Elena-Well I don't have to act in your stupid play also so there! Now if you'll excuse me.

Julia-Wait up! That's not what I meant. What I meant is that it just wouldn't be fair to the other characters. Why should you get paid if they're doing it for free?

Elena-Well I can care less about the others. What they don't know won't hurt them so this can be our little secret Julia!

Julia-…Ok how much do you want?

Elena-How much do you have?

Julia-Quite a lot but I can only give you 2500 gil.

Elena-3000 and it's a deal.

Julia-Are you crazy? Don't haggle with me I really need the money.

Elena-And you also need an actress! 3000 come on cough it up.

Julia-2700 I can't go higher than that.

Elena-You've got yourself a deal.

Julia-All right Turks she obliged now grab her!!!

Elena-Hey what the hell you tricked me you little shit!

Julia-No I didn't I'll give you the money after the show so now you have to sit through the whoooole play just like the other characters…after all it wouldn't be fair you have such a better advantage then they do.

Elena-Why you little! You'll live to regret this day Julia Naoko Mori!!!

Julia-Yeah whatever blondie.

Heidegger-Good luck 'Lena I'll read about it on the Shinra Enquirer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Julia-Audience make some noise cause we're back!

*Audience cheers and stomps their feet*

Julia-I hope ya'll enjoyed the refreshments that were on me while I was gone!

*Audience cheers and applauses*

Julia-Now ON WITH THE SHOW!!!!

And while she was rising through the trees, a bird's nest with eggs in it had ended up on top of her head.

Elena-Shoo! Shoo! Go away! (flaps wings) Come on git! Don't just stand there!

Yuffie-Hey bitch I'm no serpent I'm a little girl!

Elena-Little my ass! Get out of here before I poop bird shit on ya!

Yuffie-Eww no don't do that! Honest to Kame I'm not a serpent do I look like one?

Elena-Yes and an ugly serpent let me add!

Yuffie found it exhausting to keep changing her size all the time. She didn't want to be either a giant or the size of an ant.

Yuffie-I just wanna be little ol' me. I'd never thought I'd say this but…I wish I would go back to my real height!

Elena-MMmm yummy if you turn into something smaller than a serpent you'll end up transforming in a worm and birds eat worms!

Yuffie-Eat? Oh my gawd I remember! (takes out mushroom)

Elena-Hmm what is that?

Yuffie nibbled at the bit of the mushroom and shrank back to her normal height. She kept a piece of it in case she might need it later on.

Yuffie-Who knows things are so very odd in this place!

*Audience applauses*

Elena-Is it over? Is this the end of the scene? (climbs down)

Julia-Yes Elena it is.

Elena-YES!!!! No more acting I just gotta wait a couple more scenes till you give me my 2700 gil right? A promise is a promise!

*FF7 cast gasp and glare at Julia*

Julia-Uh-oh.

***********************************************************************************************

A/N-I'll end this chapter here for right now I'm kind of in a dispute with the other FF7 cast regarding financial monetary issues they might even go on a strike. Anyways what did you think? Please send me a review.

   [1]: mailto:crazy_yuffie@yahoo.com



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